Why am I always unhappy and what you can do about it

Do you have the constant thought of “Why am I always unhappy” well you have landed in the right place and here is a guide for what you can do about it. Unhappiness for most part is a state of mind rather than a perpetual feeling that will never end. 

Keep on going unhappiness, you’re only 5 minutes away from understanding ‘why am i always unhappy” and a whole bunch of positive steps you can make to change your mood.

I once heard this great line about happiness and I cannot recall where it comes from, but it went down the lines of, people think that the opposite of happiness is sadness. The real opposite of happiness is boredom. When I heard this it made me realise, hey thats probably true. It seems striving for happiness is something that everyone aspires to, because there is no point in leading a life of boredom. There are obviously several factors to why people are unhappy, so lets take a look at why you are unhappy and some things you can do to make yourself feel better.

1. You really don’t like your job.

Whenever things go a bit sour in a job I’m doing, I always tell myself, ‘You can do better than this.’ Dr. Seuss

I wrote something not long ago about why people hate their jobs, you can find it here. But simply it makes sense if you are not in a good place when it comes to your job, a place where you spend a quarter of your weekly time at, it’s probably time to reassess what it is you’re doing for your wage. Simply, money is not the driving factor for happiness and whilst it feels good to be secure and have money to keep you going. This horrible cycle of dependence is one that can rip the soul out of a person. The link above gives you some perspective on why and what you can do about it. Maybe it’s time for a change.

2. You are on a revolving circuit of worry.

I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night, ‘There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me dreaming of being a movie star.’ But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest. Marilyn Monroe

It seems it’s easy to say don’t worry about things, they will all work out in the end. But for the serial worrier, it seems hard to just say they will work out in the end. Whether its money, your relationships, your job or whatever, you need to understand what is worrying you. Write a list of everything that is worrying you right now, and write a set of actions that can help you to alleviate these problems. For a long time I had issues with worrying about money, I mean who doesn’t? But I created a budgeting spread sheet, which allows me have an overview of what money I owe and whether I have enough money to cover it. It has worked a treat, being aware of the issues and creating solutions for them is a much more practical way then simply not worrying about them.

3. Holding onto grudges.

At least in my life, I cannot hold onto grudges. It’s a waste of energy, a waste of time. Phil Anselmo (Pantera, Down)

Holding onto grudges is one of the most toxic things you can do, as Phil put it, it’s a waste of energy and a waste of time. Do yourself a favour and just let it go. I have seen in my own family how grudge holding has become so destructive. If someone has wronged you, then confront them, close the case, tell them how you feel and move on. There is absolutely no point in letting that revolving feeling of anger towards someone float around your head space. Kill it off now and move forward, there is no point and it only upsets you further. Come on, do it now, get over it!

4. You compare yourself to others.

Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine! Jennie Finch

That little internal game we sometimes play when we compare ourselves and our achievements to other people. We are all different and there is no point in comparing yourself to someone else. As an individual as Jennie puts it, discover your own gifts and let them shine. It sounds simple and it is, so stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate all the good things about yourself. The saying goes you can’t compare apples with oranges, but really you can, they both have defining characteristics. But realistically the non comparison is more about that there is no point in comparing the two, as they are both in their own way delicious fruits. Some will like one more than others, but thats ok, if you are to compare, you lose sight of what is good about the orange (you) or the apple (whoever else).

5. The ultimate pessimist.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill

I’ve got to be honest here and say I used to be that half glass full kind of person. But overtime I have learnt to be optimistic about things, being hopeful is a good thing. Don’t be the negative Nancy, it only holds you back. It’s good to question things with a sense of wanting to get a better outcome, but if you are continually being pessimistic about things, makes achieving things extremely difficult with such a mindset. There’s also that saying, don’t have any expectations, then you won’t be disappointed. That’s absolute garbage. Don’t have any expectations? Expect that you can achieve, that you can do it, but if you don’t, realise that failure is a natural course of learning. Get back up on that horse and try again. Pessimism drives inaction, drop it now!

6. Loneliness.

Everybody has something that chews them up and, for me, that thing was always loneliness. The cinema has the power to make you not feel lonely, even when you areTom Hanks

One of the major inhibiters to happiness is having valued connections with other people. It’s part of the human make up, we enjoy the company of others. Now I can tell you all about loneliness and that working from home can get lonely, so I make an active effort to get out of the house and visit friends and family. I always feel my best when I am interacting with others, it’s kind of my muse in life. But if you are lonely, you need to step out of your comfort zone and meet people. Maybe reconnect with old friends or make new friends online, through resources such as meetup.com. This is a place where people create groups for people with a shared interest and they meet up on regular occasions. It’s definitely the easiest way of making new connections, shared loves.  Or you could do as Tom suggests, chuck on a movie.

7. You are surrounded by negativity

Unhappy people make me feel like I’ve done something wrong. Alexandra Stoddard

You are the product of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Now if your closest group of friends are a bunch of pessimists and negative people. Well you’re going to have to make changes. You can either confront your friends and say hey I’m not feeling so good about all this negativity. If they don’t like it, well its pretty simple, make some new friends. See the above on meetup.com.

8. Being unhealthy and low body self-esteem.

A strong body makes the mind strong. Thomas Jefferson

It’s pretty simple, self loathing of your body and how you feel is a horrible feeling. While it seems a simple thing to fix, all you need to do is some exercise and eat better. Sounds easy right? But it is an ever growing problem in society, we don’t have time and we can’t be bothered. But this needs to change. I need to change. Having a healthy body leads to a happy mind, its pretty easy to realise that if you feel good about your body, you are going to feel good about yourself. I should really exercise more.

9. Complacency and you’re not learning new things.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi

If you are happy plodding along in life, good for you. But for most, that feeling of stalling and not going anywhere can be a major buzz kill. Sometimes your own complacency can be blamed for that along with a lot of excuses, like time. But nothing can replace the power of learning new things. Whether its a new hobby or a book on an interesting topic. Learning new things can lead to new things in life in general, knowledge is a very powerful thing. If you are not learning something new every week, change that. If you waste time watching meaningless TV like the average person does, swap it for something like a book or an explanatory video or whatever. Just learn something new, trust me, it will change you for the better.

10. You’re too busy.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of being busy, and being busy is not necessarily productive. Tim Ferriss

People always like to convince themselves that they don’t have enough time. We fill our lives with meaningless tasks and convince ourselves that we are busy. If this is the case for you, you need to do an assessment on what you are doing with your time. Take Parettos Law (80/20), that 20 percent of your activities will lead to 80% of the outcomes in life. So start getting efficient, stop wasting time on shit that doesn’t matter and do the things that really matter. Set goals and focus on these things that will make your life better. Use those 168 hours per week well, be sure to get the appropriate sleep as this no doubt will help in feeling refreshed and well rested. Thats a cure for the sads in itself.

11. You care way too much about what others think.

By not caring too much about what people think, I’m able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed. Albert Ellis

Seriously, who cares what people think. It’s not about saying it out loud that you don’t care what they think, it’s just about doing it, not caring. If you are continuously worried about what people think, then you are never going to try and do something. This obviously links into the whole idea of fear of failure, because why else would you care what people think. Be yourself, be brave and tell the world I am f$#king awesome.

12. You don’t have enough ‘me’ time.

I love to have a bath with beautiful, relaxing music on and have no rush to do anything. It’s a wonderful indulgence, and it helps me to calm down and stop my mind running overtime. Kylie Minogue

Dude you better start relaxing. You know, get some ‘me’ time, where you can sit with yourself, gather your thoughts and unwind what ever possible negativity you may have inside your mind. I was a victim of not being able to relax for years, going to the beach seemed crazy. What, we are just going to sit down and do nothing. Thankfully I have finally found the beauty in relaxation. People think its crazy, but talk to yourself, work through your thoughts. You spend the most time with, well yourself, so why no connect with your internal mind. Meditation works good for this and I try to get in at least 30 minutes of meditation every day. Works wonders.

13. Have you got a dog?

Many of the qualities that come so effortlessly to dogs – loyalty, devotion, selflessness, unflagging optimism, unqualified love – can be elusive to humans. John Grogan

Get a dog, they are awesome and they will make you awesome.


Resources

Do You Ask Yourself “Why Am I Always So Unhappy?”

7 Common Habits of Unhappy People

10 Signs of Walking Depression

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